ove is a beautiful and terrifying thing. When you find yourself in love with someone, it can feel scary, amazing, stressful, and exhilarating all at the same time — it can be difficult to know what to do with yourself. But if you find yourself in love with someone you’ve been dating, then the next step is finding out how you want to tell them.
You may be trying to wait for the perfect time to say it, but the truth is that there’s rarely a perfect time to do anything. You should make your feelings known so you can understand if they feel the same way! Still, saying I love you is an art to master. Today, we’ll be your wingman!
In this post, expect to read about the following:
- How To Tell if You Love Someone
- When to Say I Love You
- What To Do if It’s Not Meant to Be
How To Tell if You Love Someone
Love can feel different for everyone. Sometimes you may not even realize that you’re in love, or you may not be in love when you think you are. Here’s how to evaluate these feelings:
Before you say the words, you should make sure you truly love this person. Sometimes, if you’re in a dark place mentally or have just gotten out of a relationship, you can find yourself relying on someone to validate you and make you feel better. Wait until you’re level-headed to understand whether or not this is someone you really want to be spending a large part of your life with. In a genuine relationship, you should love this person no matter what mood you’re in or what mood they’re in.
On the other hand, you may not feel the obvious signs of love, like butterflies in your stomach or dreaming about them every night. If you’ve experienced abusive relationships or betrayals in the past, you may be less willing to let love into your heart again. However, you could still be in love regardless. How often do you find yourself thinking about this person? Do you find yourself overthinking what you say when you’re talking to them? Is this the person you tend to be the most excited to see out of everyone you know? If so, love might be blooming.
Another important thing to consider is platonic love vs. romantic love. Do you love this person as a friend, or do you want to be romantic with them? Though both platonic and romantic love are equally important, they both fulfill different fundamental needs. A romantic lover is an intense, long-term commitment that might end in a breakup, but friendship is something that usually lasts much longer than the average romantic relationship. A friend will be there for you through all your breakups and all your tough times, but the relationship still has fewer commitments than a romantic relationship.
Here are some other signs that you may be genuinely in love with someone:
- Your thoughts always come back to them
- They’re the first thing you think of when you wake up in the morning
- Life feels more fun and exciting when you’re with them
- You feel jealous when they’re spending time with other people
When To Say I Love You
Now that you’re sure you love this person, when do you make your move? Finding the perfect moment is difficult, but usually it’s not something you can plan for unless you intend to turn it into a grand gesture (which might make the other person feel a bit pressured). Often you won’t be able to identify the right moment until you’re in it.
In a broader sense, you probably shouldn’t say I love you until you’re at least 3-6 months into the relationship. It’s important to make sure you know and love this person enough to commit to them. You may feel like you want to do it earlier, but you can't rush something as important as love. Of course, circumstances differ, but it’s smart to make sure you’re making a reasonable decision. If the feelings are genuine and you both truly love each other, the love will only strengthen over time.
So, when you’re considering that you might love someone, you need to do two things: make sure it’s the right time to say it, and identify the moment when you’re going to say it.
Here are some other ways to tell if it’s time to tell someone you love them.
- You can easily imagine taking your relationship a step further or even spending the rest of your life with them.
- You are willing to prioritize this person and be there for them if they need you.
- You understand their flaws and still love them despite their imperfections.
- You feel like you can share sensitive and personal information with the person.
Here are some other ways to identify the right moment to say “I love you.”
- Ideally, you should be alone with the person or focused on one another.
- Do it when you’re level-headed — intense emotions can cloud your judgment, and you want to make sure you mean it when you say it.
- Make sure your environment is quiet or isolated, you want them to hear you after all!
- A good time to slip it in may be when you’re having an important conversation about the future or your future together.
What to Do if it Doesn’t Work Out
Before you say I love you, there are a few more things you should consider, even if you know for sure that you love them. Even if you love them and they love you back, there may be certain reasons why you shouldn’t have a relationship with this person:
- Are they single? - This is an obvious one, but cheating does happen, and you don’t want to be involved when it does. If you have mutual feelings with someone who is in a relationship, either this person needs to choose, or you should consider consensual non-monogamy.
- Can you deal with their flaws? - You should be willing to accept your partner’s flaws if you love them, but if this person has significant negative or harmful habits that may hurt you in a relationship, then you should do what’s best for yourself. Relationships require sacrifice, but you need to know how much sacrifice is too much.
- Are they an ex of someone you know? - If this person is an ex of a close friend or family member, then your relationship with them may have the potential to cause conflict. Overall, it’s best not to date someone who has had a messy breakup with someone close to you.
What If Things Change?
Inevitably, you’re going to get rejected in your search for a significant other. That’s just how it goes. Sure, it sucks pretty bad, but one day it will all be worth it. Until that day comes, what do you do if you lose your feelings for someone or they don’t feel the same way?
If you decide you don’t really love them…
Sometimes your partner will do something to you, or you’ll learn something about them that causes your feelings to change. If this is the case, then you’ll need to come clean and tell the truth. Maybe you wish your feelings hadn’t changed, but it’s no use pretending to be in love with someone when you aren’t. Trying to keep a relationship going when you aren’t in love with the other person never ends well.
In this scenario, your best course of action is to identify why your feelings have changed and then talk to your partner about it. They may be upset with you, but you’re doing them a favor by being honest with them instead of trying to make it work when it inevitably won’t.
Not getting an “I love you too” hurts. But just like before, the person is doing you a favor by being honest with you instead of saying “I love you too” when they don’t really mean it. You can’t force someone to love you, so the best you can do is talk things through and then let it be. You may still feel attached to this person even after rejection, but you can’t go begging for them to take you back. Give yourself some credit! There are plenty of other potential partners out there, and one day you’ll meet the person for you. Plus, you can still be friends with this person. And often, friendships are stronger and last longer than romantic relationships.
Love Prevails!
Love is the strongest feeling of affection that you can feel for someone, so saying I love you is something you need to be careful about. You should take enough time to evaluate if you really love this person, and if you do, the next step is to decide if you should tell them. If you’re ready to take the next step in your relationship with this person, then it’s time to say it. Finding the right time to say I love you is an art, but you just have to trust yourself that you will recognize when you’ve found the perfect time to express your true feelings.
