dulting is hard enough – but when you have ADHD, it can be even more difficult, and it might feel like you struggle with things that are simply easier for others. Whether you’ve been diagnosed for years or your ADHD is newly discovered (or even just suspected at the moment), this guide can help you learn to function in your adult life with ADHD. Today, we’ll go over:
- ADHD as a child vs as an adult
- Combating executive dysfunction and memory issues
- Encouraging focus on whatever task you face
Experiencing ADHD as a child VS as an adult
How necessary skills change over time
Depending on your experiences, you may or may not have known you had ADHD growing up – some of us may have had our symptoms caught by parents, teachers, or other figures in our lives, while others may have flown under the radar until adulthood.
Often, ADHD is only caught in adulthood – not because you didn’t have it before, but because maybe the people in your life didn’t recognize the symptoms or that you might have been struggling, or you might have been in a structured enough environment that your symptoms were accommodated for without realizing it. Or, unfortunately, you may have had caretakers who dismissed your struggles as you being “lazy” or “undisciplined.” Because there’s been a lot of stigma around getting therapy or psychiatric care in the past (and because parents and grandparents may not have been able to afford care, or lived somewhere where they didn’t have access to care for other reasons), older generations may think of ADHD symptoms as just “how everyone is.” If you were raised in an environment like this, you might not have even realized that your experiences weren’t universal until someone similar to you (such as one of your children) was diagnosed.
Regardless, you’re here now – and you’re not lazy or undisciplined, you have a disorder that makes it fundamentally more difficult for you to function in the way others expect. You might find yourself struggling in ways you hadn’t before now that you’re living on your own, like having to make your own appointments now that your parents can’t make them for you, folding your clothes without someone to remind you, or even feeding yourself now that no one’s calling you downstairs when it’s time for dinner.
Even if you were treated for ADHD as a kid, you might find that the coping strategies you were taught mainly revolved around school, and so you’re not as prepared for how your ADHD intersects with other areas of your life. If this is the case, read on for tips on how to manage your ADHD as an adult in all facets of life.
Handling executive dysfunction & memory issues
How to avoid getting lost in the weeds
For those unfamiliar, we’ll give a quick rundown of executive dysfunction. But to understand that, it’s easier to start with what executive function is. Executive functions are the processes your brain uses in everyday life, such as:
- Working memory (your ability to make sense of and integrate new information and events)
- Cognitive flexibility (your ability to adapt to change)
- Inhibition control (your ability to manage your emotions, reactions, and more)
Executive dysfunction happens when these functions, well, stop functioning, or don’t function as they should. This isn’t exclusive to ADHD, but does manifest a lot in people with ADHD – maybe you have really bad memory issues, or have a very hard time focusing or switching gears from one task to another. ADHD can even cause you to have issues regulating your emotions and reactions (such as rejection-sensitive dysphoria, or RSD).
Executive dysfunction can be difficult to address – you know you need to start a task, but that mental block is in the way, and it’s so daunting to start that you just… don’t. But there are ways to combat this, such as:
Breaking tasks into smaller chunks. “Cleaning the kitchen” is vague and might sound like a big, exhausting challenge. If that’s the case, try reframing it as:
1. Empty the dishwasher
2. Put those dishes away (tip: you can move this step down the line, if you don’t have the energy to parse out where everything should go right now)
3. Wash any debris off of the dishes in the sink
4. Load those dishes into the dishwasher and start it
5. Wipe down the counter
6. Wipe down the stove
…And so on! If having a lot of steps is daunting, feel free to combine multiple things into one step (like emptying the dishwasher by putting those dishes away).
Taking breaks or switching tasks. This might not work for everyone, if you have difficulties being interrupted or re-focusing on a new task – but if you’re someone who gets bored of doing the same thing for a long period of time, it can be helpful to temporarily drop a task and do another. Who says you can’t throw in a load of laundry after you load the dishwasher, and then go back and wipe down kitchen surfaces?
Making things easier on yourself. This might feel a little “well, duh,” but people often forget – you can make your space work for you. If you often lose your keys, try keeping a bowl (or even just a hat) by the door that you can drop them in immediately after you come home. If you tend to toss your clothes on the bathroom floor after a shower and forget to pick them up after, just put your laundry basket in the bathroom. If you forget to eat before you leave the house, keep some food on your desk or in your car, like a sleeve of crackers or a jar of peanut butter, and a few snacks in your bag (just make sure they’re sealed tightly, to prevent attracting ants).
Holding yourself accountable. Personally, thinking, “man, I’ll be so screwed if I don’t do this later” doesn’t do anything for me – I worry about other people more than myself, and that’s where some helpful apps come in. If you struggle with self-care and other daily tasks, you might enjoy Finch, which gives you a cute pet that you take care of by taking care of yourself. Habitica also helps you take care of yourself and set habits, but it’s themed as an RPG. If you have work you need to get done, you can also try body doubling with a friend, and work together at the same time. You don’t want to be goofing off while your friend is working hard, do you?
Setting reminders. That little voice in your head telling you you’ll remember to do this thing later? That’s the devil talking. Set as many reminders and alarms as you need (and then set a few more for good measure). Personally, when I’m getting ready to leave for work, I set alarms at 15-minute intervals to make sure I’m staying on track while getting ready. Additionally, set reminders for anything you routinely forget to do, whether it’s eating, taking out the trash, etc.
How to sit down and focus
Getting out of your head (and into the zone)
It’s hard. Whether or not you want it to, your mind starts wandering so easily. You come across an unfamiliar term while you’re reading, and so you look up what it means, and two hours later you’re on the Wikipedia page for Neoplatyura. Luckily, we have a few tips.
Remove all distractions. We know, we know – everyone says it, and it’s hard to do, but it is important. This might be one you were taught as a kid, but it can be difficult as an adult, with so many more new distractions. Close Discord, put your phone on do not disturb, stuff a towel under your door to muffle the sounds your roommates are making. If you’re liable to pick up your phone anyway, try installing some apps that can lock other apps of yours, or set timers on those apps for how long you can use them. You can even try growing a tree that’ll die when you exit the app.
Turn on some music. But like, really specific music. A lot of people recommend video game music, as it’s designed to engage and motivate you without distracting you, but really, anything works, as long as it’s instrumental. A lot of people enjoy lo-fi music. I like listening to darksynth. Whatever it is, make sure it’s not something you normally listen to – by choosing something you don’t otherwise listen to, you can essentially Pavlov yourself into going “oh, okay, it’s time to work now” when you hear your designated focus music.
Take breaks. We mentioned this in the executive dysfunction section, but it’s important, so we’re mentioning it again – take breaks. As easy as it can be to lose yourself in a hyperfocus, you can often end up exhausted at the end of it. We particularly like the Pomodoro Technique, as it’s another opportunity to train your brain. The Pomodoro Technique is as follows:
1. Set your timer for how long you work. Traditionally, this is about 25 minutes, but I prefer 45.
2. When the timer goes off, take a short break. Typically 5-10 minutes.
3. When the timer goes off again, resume work.
4. After 2-4 intervals, take a long break. Typically 20-30 minutes.
This has a few benefits – by using a timer, you start to associate hearing it go off with getting back into focus mode. Also, if you start getting distracted, you can look at the timer and go, okay, only 5 more minutes until my break. I can do something else then.
We also have one more tip to avoid distractions – delegate them to your break time. If you just remembered you left a dish on the counter, or you found something you were curious about and wanted to look up, write down a reminder to look at it during your break. This helps keep you on track, without running the risk of forgetting something important.
If you enjoy video games, we highly recommend Spirit City: Lofi Sessions. Earn EXP by completing tasks and using timers, by running the game, and by discovering cute little spirits that show up as you work. You can customize your house and your avatar, and your avatar can do various things around the house (such as knitting by the fire, typing at their desk, or meditating at the window). It comes with tons of different options for background noises, scenery and lighting, and more, allowing you to work parallel with your avatar (or have them do something completely different!). It also comes pre-loaded with tons of Lofi music, but also has an in-game YouTube browser that allows you to play your own selection. As someone with ADHD, it’s been a godsend for improving my workflow (and it’s cheap – only $11.99!). As a bonus, having it running means you can’t launch a different game on Steam, so there’s no getting distracted that way.
Whew! Still with us? That’s it for our tips today on adulting with ADHD. We hope this has been helpful – managing ADHD is tricky, and you may have a road of trial and error ahead of you, but it’s not one you have to travel alone. Speak to your friends and family, find online communities, do whatever it takes to find out what works for you.
Good luck out there – and If you have a trick of your own that helps you, feel free to share it in the comments!
