hat risky text after the first date can be the hardest to write. Most people will overthink: What if they don’t respond? How do I initiate a new conversation? Did the date even go well? I’m here to tell you that initiating a text after a first date is child’s play, if you know how to uphold your confidence.

Most people would like to play hard to get, especially after the first date. First impressions are very important And you want to make sure that in our modern day of hookup culture and potential disinterest, that you come off as cool and collected. This can be beneficial especially if you're trying to put off that persona and if you're not wanting anything long-term. If you're looking to just have some fun, go on a couple dates and never see this person again, then go for it. Text them whatever you want, there generally aren't any repercussions for dating apps, even on text. If you don't like how things are going, you can always ghost them.

However, if you're looking for something more serious, you might not want to put on a badass facade for too long. You would want them to get to know the real you. That can sometimes be really hard to come by. You have to worry if they actually like you, or if you actually like them for who they are. 

The modern-day view on dating has been misconstrued and there needs to be a different approach than the conventional period drama tv show or movie. Texting after the first date can be intimidating due to this. Romance, in the conventional way, seems to have died out. Unless by some chance you come by somebody who writes poetry for you with a bouquet of flowers in their hand. It's not impossible, but quite rare.

Most Americans said in 2019 that premarital and casual sex were at least sometimes acceptable, but sex on a first date and open relationships were seen as more taboo. Whatever your morals are, just make sure it’s consensual and fun for all parties. Photo courtesy of Unsplash.

So if you're thinking on what to say or when they say it in your next text, here's a little advice.  Depending on what happened the day before, you might want to text the next morning or afternoon to show that you're interested.  I'm assigning no gender roles to this because those are outdated and overrated, so go at your own discretion. If you really feel like the more masculine person should text you back first, then that's your own preference. I wouldn't let that stop me from texting somebody. Some people can tend to overthink and if you don't text first then maybe they will never text you again due to anxiety. There are so many possibilities as to why somebody wouldn't text you that if you really want to talk to them you should just go for it. If you show interest then they'll be able to discern on their end whether they want to continue the relationship.

So, without further ado, here are some of my tips as to what to text after a first date. 

Around 77 percent of adult online users reported having gone on a date with someone they had met online. Some people will also meet potential partners via social media platforms.Photo courtesy of Unsplash

Assess How the Date Went First

Keep in mind that if this is a conventional date then you likely have only met this person one time before. So reflect on how the first date went. What did you talk about? Was it a fun conversation? Based on the first date, you can think about how to continue a conversation from one that you already started. For instance, if they mentioned that they are really into watching Bridgerton, you can ask them “what did you think of the season finale?” Or if you haven't watched the show before, ask them to watch it with you. You might be surprised at what their response is. 

Be flirty with it, people like it when you text with a personality. Just be yourself, and you will have nothing to worry about. If they don't like you for who you are, then it’s all the more reason to just drop them anyway.  I'm not saying be rude or anything but if they're disrespectful or mean you have all the reason to be upset. I'm sure that you can think of something to talk about based on what was said on the first date.

Do You Want Another Date? 

Really, really think about if you want another date. Sometimes first dates can go great and then the second date absolutely sucks. People tend to put on their best Impressions when you first meet them. When they start to get comfortable is when their true self will start to come out. But, if you have full faith that you really want to go on another date with them then just simply reach out and ask if you want to go on another date. Try to think of something creative or outside of the box. Getting a coffee can sometimes be boring and repetitive. Based on some of your interests or their interests, take them somewhere that would really stand out. 

Just reach out and say something like “Hiya, I really enjoyed hanging out with you yesterday. Would you like to go to the botanical garden with me sometime?” If they don’t respond in the next day or so, then maybe follow up. But, who wouldn’t wanna go to a romantic botanical garden? (Unless you have allergies, I guess).

22% of people ask their friends to create and customize their online dating profiles. Most likely, you’ve matched with someone who has had their profile made by a friend. Photo courtesy of Unsplash.

Ask Your Friends What They Think 

Everyone always needs a good wingman. If you’re feeling really indecisive on your next move, tell your friends how the first date went and where you should go from there. Your friends will not have the rose colored glasses on, making it easier to see any red flags. Getting an outside perspective on anything is helpful. We can tend to get stuck in our own heads about situations, and people who know us well can help us get out of that. If you have someone that you trust completely, then I would suggest asking them for advice. 

What You Shouldn’t Text

The worst thing to do is be unreasonable. When you're texting someone you don't know too well and you put high expectations on them, you're going to come off as needy. If you just met this person, and then expect them to be something they are not, it isn't realistic. When we first go on a date, sometimes we can tend to sensationalize the experience. Don't pry too much, don't poke fun at them for any reason, and especially don't ask them about their dating history just yet. I feel like it's better to focus on the relationship you're trying to build rather than focusing on the past. Of course, you should know if there's anything problematic in their past, but focusing only on who they have dated before you is going to hinder the relationship. If they aren't texting you back don't spam them: it's not worth it. 

Don’t Overthink It 

At the end of the day, a date isn’t your entire life. If you are losing sleep over a date or texting someone back, think about why that is. Maybe you're searching for a relationship for the wrong reasons. If it's causing you more stress than happiness then it's not worth it, even if they didn't do anything wrong. Sometimes, being alone can be a good thing because it makes us realize what we truly want out of a relationship. When we are stuck inside the labyrinth in our heads, we can tend to lose sight of what is important. Dating is supposed to be fun, not painful. If you aren't having a good time, distance yourself from the situation. You might thank yourself for it later. 

Everyone has things going on in their own lives. It's best not to put your person on a pedestal or to romanticize them. If you have just met them, you don't really know them at all. You might like the idea of romance or being in a relationship, but that's not reality. Just like the beginning of the well-known Ariana Grande song, her friend says “Here’s the thing, you’re in love with a version of a person that you’ve created in your head, that you are trying to but cannot fix.” Don't let it get that far, especially after the first date. Just text them, go with the flow, and see what happens. 

Oct 22, 2021